My First Neurodivergent Community Event

This week, I went to my first Neurodivergent community event. It was hosted by Unmasked, Ellie Middleton's company, and I felt so heard and understood!

In this post, I will describe people with ADHD as "ADHDers". This may not be everyone's preferred time, but it is a phrase/word I wouldn't mind being called. Please speak with other people before assuming this phrase is okay with them.

I'm currently in the process of getting an assessment to determine if I have ADHD. I will talk about this more (such as how it came about and the journey so far) in a later post, as I want this one to be about the event specifically. In the process of discovering my differences, I came across Ellie Middleton, her book "Unmasked", and her community of neurodivergent people. I read her book (alongside countless others) and joined the community just before she announced an event to be held in London on the 13th of February, 2024. Being that I am only about an hour's journey from London, I felt this could be an incredible opportunity to learn from other people about how neurodivergence affects their lives and see if I can learn a thing or two. So I booked the tickets.

I travelled to London, driving to one of the outermost tube stations and then using the underground system to get into central London. I stopped at Kings Cross and indulged in a Five Guys for the first time before making my way to the event venue.
I arrived almost an hour early in a fashion that is not common to me! I decided that cleaners hoovering the front steps of the venue probably meant I was too early, so I found a pub on the corner of the street to stay in until closer to the starting time. While I sat in the corner of the pub, drinking my bottle of Moretti (I didn't want a full pint as I tend to get loud after drinking and didn't want to cause a stir at the event), I heard a small group of people talking about the medication they're taking. "I'm currently taking Concerta", my researching brain perked up. I knew this was a medication used by ADHDers; these were my people. I sat listening to their conversation for quite a while. More and more people joined their group as I remained within earshot, enjoying every story told as they openly detailed how their diagnoses affected their lives and what "tricks" they'd found to help them along the way.

Soon enough, one of them said, "We should probably make a move". This was my time. It was now or never. If I didn't speak to them and introduce myself, I'd have to follow them out of the pub, down the road and into the venue. Like some kind of passive-aggressive creep. In I went, asking if they were attending the event, apologising for earwigging. I learned that the group was new to Unmasked events but had met on "Meetup", an app for finding interest groups in your area. They all lived in London, and some of them had met before. We travelled down to the venue together to get registered.

The venue was a co-working space with a large lobby area that had been set up as an auditorium. At the far end of the room sat 5 stools awaiting the panellists. On confirmation of having a ticket, we were given goody bags containing gifts. This particular event was titled "Singles Mingle", as it was hosted the day before Valentine's. The theme was around relationships and sex while neurodivergent. The best gift was a fidget toy. I used this all night, all the way back on the tube and on occasion in the car. I can safely say the event was the longest period of time I'd spent without cracking the knuckles of my fingers for a long time, and I can attribute that to this fidget toy. Also in the goody bag was a Clitmark, so you never lose your page again and a bottle of lube. Also included was a pack of love hearts. I found a seat and sat awkwardly, waiting for the panel to start.
The panellists were fantastic! They covered a range of topics brought forward by the host. It was so nice hearing other people talk about the things I struggle with, knowing it wasn't just me and I wasn't a useless human. I'm not going to mention everything, but I will talk about something that has hit me hard in previous relationships: loving a lot very early.

It's quite common for people with ADHD to have obsessions which can completely take over their lives, known as hyperfocusing. This can happen with topics, sports, activities and people. This isn't specific to romantic relationships and can happen in friendships and between colleagues. It quite often means that people with ADHD are described as "too much". Hyperfocusing on a person can mean you message them a lot, want to see them all the time and can find small things (such as late replies to messages) upsetting; this can also be attributed to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Rox Emery refers to this hyperfocusing as a "treacle sun" as opposed to a honeymoon in her book "Dirty Laundry". If I meet someone I really get along with, I can find myself wanting to spend all my time with them, contacting them almost constantly and sharing very private parts of my life with them quite early on. Before too long, this "treacle sun" is extinguished, and the obsession dwindles slightly. I feel like most people feel this in relationships, but the intensity with which I feel this makes me question everything. In the past, this has led to me breaking up with people seemingly out of the blue. Not knowing this was due to how my brain works, I could not explain it to the other person. For this, I am sorry to the people I have been in relationships with in the past.

Back to the event -
The panel ended with a Q&A where attendees could ask specific questions about things going on in their lives and get advice from the panellists. Although I didn't have anything I wanted to ask, I could add to one of the answers by talking about the situation above and telling a fellow attendee about the book "Dirty Laundry".

I really enjoyed this event. I felt so comfortable in a room full of strangers and the panel was incredible. However, with the amount of research I have been doing, it did feel like I was just watching a YouTube video, and I had to keep reminding myself that I was in a room full of other people. For anyone who is (or believes they are) neurodivergent, I would highly recommend going to an Unmasked event for yourself. If you do plan on going to one, please let me know. Meeting some people before I get to the event would be good.