The Spotlight Effect: You are Your Own Main Character
Through life we only see our side of the story, like in films; we only have the perspective of the main character and wonder how all the other characters perceive them.
As we travel through life we only truly see our own side of every story, every situation, much like we see when we watch a movie or TV show; we only have the perspective of the main character and question how aware all the other characters are of them. Think about the last time you went on a first date with someone, how much of the time on the date did you spend thinking about what the other person was noticing about what you were doing, saying or acting? Did you ever think that maybe they were going through the exact same thought process in their own head?
The Spotlight Effect
The idea that each of us overestimates the amount other people notice about us is called The Spotlight Effect, the idea that we are in a spotlight where we are the centre of attention for everyone around us and the light is highlighting every mistake, blemish or flaw that we have, making it visible for all to see. In reality, everybody is in their own 'spotlight'. Everyone is having the same thoughts as you, in varying degrees. Sure if you go to meet the CEO of your company they may not have as bigger 'spotlight' as you but there will still be one that they feel the gentle glow of.
How being the main character affects us
Being the main character of a story is tough; everyone expects something of you, you are open to criticism and quite often you have a villain whose only purpose is to make your life hell, and while the last one may not apply to everyone's real-life the first two certainly exist as worries for most people. No matter how much you are worried about making a good first impression or not embarrassing yourself it's good to remember that the people around you are probably experiencing the same worries and concerns as you.
Ali Abdaal talks about an example of this when he was asked to be co-director of a pantomime at medical school. With no previous acting or directing experience, Ali felt like an imposter and worried about what the cast and other directors would think of him when he ran a warmup that caused each member of the production to make silly noises. He thought "all these people must know I'm a fraud and don't know what I am doing" when in reality everyone there was so worried about themselves in terms of not looking silly and being the best actor they could be that no one really paid attention to the fact that he was new to the whole theatre directing role.
Conclusion
At the base of the Spotlight Effect is a fear of being rejected or bringing shame or embarrassment on yourself when in reality everyone is just as worried as you are and the likelihood is even if you do mess up slightly people aren't going to be able to see beyond the glare of their own spotlight to see your mistake. So try to live with more freedom and offer others the same by not picking them up on every small mistake they make but instead support them and hope they do the same for you.
Photo by Jeme Usman on Unsplash
